So I Am Very Angry and Remembered that I Have a Blog

'Dear' School System,

            Why are you just figuring out that Advisement might actually be worth something if we talked about something besides Homecoming votes and passed out our report cards?
            Why are we only just talking about our grades in depth and what GPA is and more importantly, what our GPA is?
Why am I just learning that my hope GPA is under a the fucking 3-point-goddamn-I-fucking-hate-college-and-I-haven't-even-gotten-there-yet-oh and it only counts five FUCKING SUBJECTS!?
My two art classes were a waste of my time.
My two creative writing classes were a waste of my time.
            MY YEAR LONG SPIN IN CONCERT BAND THAT I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS A WASTE OF MY TIME-of course I already knew that.
I don't want to go to college.
Like, I really, really don't.
Everyone there says it sucks.
Nobody has fun.
             The fact that most people don't even get a job they use what they got a diploma in is accepted as not only a part of life but a joke.
The fact that I'm not interested in anything marketable.
             The fact my parents think college is a magical place that will spit me out and I'll get a high-paying job in what I love no questions asked so I won't have to do hard manual labor and struggle to get by ever.
             The fact I have virtually no useful skills. At all. I'm pathetic. I look at resumes and wonder how in my life I'll ever get a goddamn job because I literally have no idea what I'd put on it.
             Why didn't anyone tell me how I was impacting my grade in 10th grade because I literally stopped giving a fuck. I didn't want the stress, and I didn't want to cry over possible C's. I didn't know what to do to keep my GPA up or really what my GPA was no one told me. I was only fucking told this year. Like, halfway last semester this year.
             And don't get me started on how I was continually told to get straight A's in elementary and middle school and-whoop-dee-doo surprise none of that actually accounts for anything fuck you and anything you're actually good at and ever were.
Which isn't fucking much now, is it?
Because what I love... is useless. Underrated, uncounted, and pointless. 
(Hell, you have sports shoved so far up your ass, school system, why don't you toss PE stuff in? I took a required personal fitness class that put me off exercise for life like years of classes have done for MATH and now is doing for science, that's a semester I'm never gonna get back, but somehow I got an A. No? Of course.)
AP drawing sounded wonderful before that was dropped on me. Now I wish I had changed it.
So did Music in Film.
But none of it matters now, does it?
Even Dad said it, I don't want to do anything marketable.
            I don't know what's wrong with me. People talking to me, or around me, feel like taking a drill to my brain, and sometimes I want to yell or something at them, but there's no logical reason for it. Usually they're just minding their own business, or trying to help or just talk to me. I recognize it's not acceptable, but... it's happening and I'd like to know what's wrong and how to fix it? Like I want to fight something in some way, really. I literally can't work up the motivation, be it positive or negative, to do shit. I hate everyone and everything and every little part of me and what I do. I want to put the world on pause for a bit.
           I've tried to talk to my parents about it, but they kinda believe that you can make (rather 'force') yourself happy no matter what. Dad throws 'coping' around a lot. I can't even tell them I'm fucking bored or Dad pretty much calls me stupid. 'Only stupid people get bored.' But, besides the point, they may make me feel better for a short time... but they kinda... don't actually... help. Like no solutions offered, just assurances. Though I guess that's the best they can do.
I'm not used to being like this.
I'm not the one that's supposed to get like this.

T.Y--fuck it.

Lily

One Month at School

Opinions:

1. I hate my Lit teacher for the first time ever.
2. My math teacher is lovely.
3. History is dull as dirt back to learning about America... for the fifth time I think.
4. Drawing is early in the day. Pros: Don't have to wait til the end of the day for it. Cons: Oh shit I'm so tired aaah...

            On another note I have so many stories and projects to chose from and I'm having issues writing anything I feel like keeping. I may start doing myNoise stuff again to get myself out of it. I'm also going to start blogging every Saturday, see how that goes. Ergh... I'm getting a bit frustrated.

Forget it.

I'm going to do the myNoise thing.

Arrrrrrrrrgh.

T.Y.G.E.R.

And So It Begins...

            Okay, so today is the last day of school. Next year I'm a junior... cripes, halfway through... So now that the toils of public education are out of the way I have virtually no excuse to not post as regularly as I can, and I can also do more of these.
Which is groovy.
I have decided I like the word groovy... it's fun to say.
            My friend is also coming to visit if all goes well... bah, I'm suddenly exhausted. Good grief. What to talk about.
...And now it is the first day of summer.
...I'm going to see what I can do in the way of clay figurines.
I may update this later.

T.Y.G.E.R.

Creative Writing

            Okay, so awhile back I was assigned the task of making a children's book for Creative Writing. I still have to get it done... And I'm thoroughly stuck. Thing is, it has to have some sort of moral or lesson. And let me tell you, I can't think of crap.
            So it's about Stormy, Frizz, and Miv. That's all I've got. Well, that and two pages. A start. And now I've just sort of gone 'Fuck, what now?' And come to think of it, not all children's books have morals do they? What's the moral of Cat and the Hat? Don't let stray cats into your house ever, probably. Having wild parties when your parents are gone is okay as long as you get rid of all the evidence, maybe. Oh, and something ticked me off when they first assigned it and the teacher showed us a video on making these things in case we couldn't possibly fathom how to write for children. (It's not really rocket science, is it? People read books when they were kids they know what those are like.) 
"To make your book the most appealing to both genders..."
Okay... make it about an animal?
"...make your main character a boy."
I'm sorry, what?
That's the most backwards malarkey I've ever heard
            Okay, so speaking of stories, you remember that boredom-fueled story I mention a billion years ago? No? Well I may be posting it soon. Here's a preview:

                It stared up at me as I raised my weapon. It was deadly, its soulless eyes glistened with false tears and I… I couldn’t do it. About five of them latched onto me at once, and I could feel them sucking the life out of me almost instantly. I felt myself losing consciousness… losing myself.

*             *             *

How pathetic. They were the size of hamsters. They were pure evil! But they were dang cute. The personification of boredom itself. It just had to touch you to drain you mind and body. It doesn’t let go until there’s nothing left. When they finish, you’d have died of boredom. I had discovered them accidentally, at my sister’s school, and found them nesting in the walls upon our closer inspection. Nobody had actually died yet, but they had spread as far as into the hospital itself. I had learned to hate them with a vengeance, but still couldn’t lay a finger on them.

Looks like that finally came around to bite me. Literally.

            So this will be up on Wattpad as soon as I get this damn thing posted after three goes. I don't care anymore, I doing this thing! I'm making this happen!

T.Y.G.E.R.

This Doesn't Even Deserve a Title

            Okay, so now today is the first day of summer. I wanted to wait 'til now because I thought I'd have more to write about... (I don't.) Concert band played Pomp and Circumstance and stuff at graduation. I have never realized how dull Pomp and Circumstance is until I actually had to play it. So there's that. Funnily enough, my brain doesn't seem to know it's summer yet. Rosie's week was all fun and cool stuff and my school was it's normal routine until the very last day (today) when everything was just one final test and doing next to nothing. I was both painfully bored and grateful, it was the most enjoyable school's been all year. We watched a bit of the Tintin movie in band. I enjoyed that. 
            Saturday, ten forty-seven AM. I should really do something productive like write or draw or something. I should... I'm trying to do this but... sigh. Lazy day. Yaaaawn. Kinda sleepy.
Aaaaand I completely wasted most of the day.
Goodbye.

T.Y.G.E.R.

I Can See the End!

            We are slooooooowly inching our way to the end of the school year. Honestly, it should've ended last week, but nooo. Four weeks and two. Goddang. Days. Until. Freeeeeedom. And then I can spend days without counting up until friday. And then the horrible gnawing sense of despair haunting all of Sunday. Yep. Dread, resignation, determination, elation, contentment. And Saturday I have to go to a school event for a grade. And I found out my parents have to pay to get in. I understand this. I dislike it. But I understand.
            So thanks to weather our internet signal is being a twat. And I haven't got enough willpower to put up with a petulant Youtube. I don't think anybody does really. When it decides it doesn't want to work, it's not going to work. Spotify is cutting out every five seconds, and this sort of thing makes me a really annoying person. 
            Okay. I'm done ranting. You've probably all left by now. Bye, those people... hmm. Soooo... yeah. Oooh! Today on that ten-minute news thing our Civics teacher shows us there was a bit: Apparently you can sign up to get sent over to Mars in '22. BUT YOU CAN NEVER COME BACK.
Us Doctor Who fans know that can't turn out well.
Sorry, but Waters of Mars has cemented my decision to not move to a new planet. Thanks. G'Bye, bye!
But I'll be 23 when they get sent off, how flippin' cool is that?!
             Now I have started a new paragraph under the assumption I still have things to say. I want to blab about my new characters. But I sorta need to draw you people a picture. Literally. It's just easier than taking a jab at a describing what now is actually pretty vague. All the other times I've explained I had my journal to point at and say 'This is who this is.' and 'Ignore my caricature of the 11th Doctor, I was practicing drawing profiles.' Among other things. I'll get back to this when the internet's better.

T.Y.G.E.R.

Ugh. School Again.

But it's FRIIIIDAY! So it has advantages.
Not many though.
            Happy January Third! This two-day week I discovered that I hate health class and Spanish is hard. Like genuinely difficult. I feel I shouldn't be surprised. Eh, whatever. So I discovered that if nothing happens I will most likely not write about anything. AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENS HERE. One would get bored very often here, and one does. Did I mention I have a doodle journal? It's been glued to my hand since I got it. That and my mechanical pencil. I get shockingly attached to my pencils. I can only use that one pencil. Until I lose it and spend a minute mourning my loss as I hunt around for a new pencil. I flipping love my sketch-journal. (doodle journal is too silly a title for my journal.) I can draw WHENEVER I WANT. 
            I am soooo tired and soooo bored. Think. Think. Think. Ugh. Nevermind, I'm off to do other things, Goodbye.

T.Y.G.E.R.

Don't Worry, Only a Fraction of This is Actually About School

I hate school.
So, so much.
....................

So!
            On a different note, the week off school equals more writing! Hopefully... If I don't dedicate the vacation from simply recovering from school. That would be terrible. Well, anyway:
           You guys know about my story The Lost Rabbit? {Here}It mentions Bunny, my childhood toy. Now, I'm a bit of a curious person, so I see this thing called 'Overgrowth' on YouTube, and I click on it. Just because I've seen it before and I wondered what it was about. As it turns out, it's a 'sandbox' game or something. And the character is a bunny. 
Do you see where I'm going with this?
Yeah, it was a brown bunny. Okay, so, I watch this and I'm thinking 'Okay, this is a bit gory and gross, but kinda interesting. Not really my thing, I don't think...' And I'm watching the guy occasionally fail and listen to him babble and maybe laugh at him a little bit. (It was late, I wanted something funny to keep me awake, so I clicked on a Let's Play. Nothing could really annoy me at that point.) And then all of a sudden my brain goes "Hey, this looks like an American McGee's version of your Bunny." And won't shut up about it. So I just disturbed myself. Ever done that? Y'Know, thought something you could live your whole life without ever considering, and quite happily, too, but you thought it and it changes your point of view forever.
That's what I happened.
At least, at like, five minutes to midnight and still watching the video it seemed that way. At the time.
            Yeah. So brace yourselves. A whole week of me off school.
I'm going to be posting A LOT of stuff.

T.Y.G.E.R.

Poetry

{Link}
             Okay so, feeling a little down and listening to Avril Lavigne I decided to write a song. It came out a bit more like poetry. So I posted it onto Wattpad. Read it! Or don't. I'm not sure if I want people to check it out...
Well, it's out there now!
            It's called Growing. Basically, it's about life, school, and our expectations. Well, my expectations. I've also looked back on something I wrote a long time ago...

T.Y.G.E.R.

In The Margins

            This is how I draw people in my school notebooks. They are usually really, really tiny. So this is me overlong bangs and green hoodie and all. I'm going to draw Rose (My sister.) next. Lately I've been doing a bunch of little thumbnail comics... hmm...
            So today I was cleaning up my room-really an excuse to discover 2 Nick Magazines I didn't know I had, my Tetris Cube puzzle, and about 25 different writing utensils and a bunch of random junk papers from my old school. So after I put the pencils and pens where they 'belong'. (The general area where they are usually found.) I messed with the puzzle, because I am easily distracted. Sooo much more fun than a Rubik's cube... But I still can't fit the last awkward- as-all-heck piece. It was a nice surprise to find a mysterious orange shoe-box full of interesting objects.
Yes, this entire paragraph is filler because if it wasn't this would be empty white space an it would be boring.

T.Y.G.E.R.

I'm Still Alive!

            Okay, so the reason I haven't written anything on here is A: Writer's block and B: School. I was going to write about how my first week at high school went... but... got distracted. By Ib. And Yumi Nikki. And weekend laziness. But yesterday my sister wanted to write a story with me. So I decide to break out my old-fashioned typewriter out and write something. The following really just consisted of me reading out loud what I was typing and her looting my desk drawers for stuff that was 'hers' that I 'took from her room'. Finally I wave her hands away from my messy workstation and demand she contribute. So she's just sitting there looking bored, but then she looks up. "Did you think of something?!" I said with exaggerated awe.

"I thought about eating the longest rope," Pause for effect. "In an Olympic competition!"

            Yes, that is what she said. Hmm... I just now thought of Sunny from A Series of Unfortunate Events. She did always play her character when we did the video game and our board game. On a different note: More of my story The Lost Rabbit:

                He hid behind the hotel room’s safe while the cleaning staff carried away the garbage. He didn’t fancy the idea of taking a trip to the dump. He had a different destination in mind. He followed the older people out to where the deliveries came. He hoped he wouldn’t get to dirty before he got to the established meeting place; Narcia should see him at his best.

                Narcia was the Mistress of Mirrors. The government of Vivia Drea worked as such: the Mistress of Mirrors talked to the people and the final decision was made by the Glass Jury. Both were advised by a set of four, those four being an Advisor of Swords, Pentacles, Wands, or Cups.

He was meant to be one of those Advisors.

                It was an important job, and just thinking about it made his little rabbit heart beat faster. He was going to be the Advisor of Swords, the one that was supposed to tell whether something was fair or not. It was the most important of the bunch. The member of the Glass Jury that was supposed to sponsor him when they finally decided to accept him officially was waiting with the Mistress. “Rainy Rabbit! Rainy Rabbit!” She crowed, her mousey face set in a childish grin. “You look like a storm cloud with floppy ears, coming out of the fog like that.” The ears mentioned drooped in embarrassment. He retreated back into the fog a bit. Narcia frowned reprovingly. “Ink, don’t be tactless. That is not how you make a good first impression.” Ink would have been hard-pressed to look more surprised. “But it’s his name, anyhow.” Rainy took a step forward. “She didn’t mean any harm. Don’t worry for me.”

           Yes, in my made-up world instead of the one person having the veto-power the largest group does. And the one person hears the problem first. How backwards! I wonder if that would work in real life... Also, Ink is the Page of Wand's assistant. He's in charge of this huge library and is usually working on his 'never-ending book'. He's an Advisor too. God. The dialogue sounds so awkward. Must fix!
            So much explaining! I hope I don't take weeks for the next update. So... in a word... Bye!

T.Y.G.E.R.

In Which I Did Absolutely Nothing But Found Out A Bunch Of Stuff

            I have made an important discovery over the last few days: My last post didn't seem to go through my mental filter. This is both good and bad. Bad because it leads to passing comments from my dad. (Embarrassing!) And good because this is probably the most extroverted thing I have ever done. I think I should do it more often.

            Today I did a lot of drawing and didn't get one thing done. My desk is now full of half-finished drawings that I set aside for later when I started a new one. Most of them are about some of the little characters I made up. Like Rainy Rabbit, the Boredom Monsters, Max... I don't think I've mentioned Max.

            I came up with Max a couple years back. If Rainy Rabbit and Bunny are the White Rabbit to my Wonderland, he'd be the Cheshire Cat. Of course this is a very loosely-based comparison. The fact remains that he is a winged talking cat with the power to turn into a winged talking tiger. So just forget what I said about the Cheshire Cat. I've also doodled a couple of muse fairies. Now if I could only finish something...

           Completely off topic: A random thing that has annoyed me since I started is the fact that the 'Tabs' button makes the blinking line of writing stuff disappear and highlights 'Post Settings'. So I simply press the 'Space' button twelve times. Every time. Back to previous topic!

            I think being able to write is awesome. But having some kind of thing for only writing half a story is a problem. I had an idea for a story once. I made up a couple characters and decided to give them a test run by writing a passage that I'd probably work into it somewhere. I ended up writing the rest of the thing from that point, so I had an ending and a good bit of the middle, but didn't have a start. Oh, the irony. And if I start doing the same thing with drawing... I'm going to be... really annoyed.

            But enough acting like I have no control over that aspect of my life. I should be thinking about school. Rude awakening from Mom today: I think I go back in, like, a week. Nooo!

T.Y.G.E.R.