'Dear' School System,
Why are you just figuring out that Advisement might actually be worth something if we talked about something besides Homecoming votes and passed out our report cards?
Why are we only just talking about our grades in depth and what GPA is and more importantly, what our GPA is?
Why am I just learning that my hope GPA is under a the fucking 3-point-goddamn-I-fucking-hate-college-and-I-haven't-even-gotten-there-yet-oh and it only counts five FUCKING SUBJECTS!?
My two art classes were a waste of my time.
My two creative writing classes were a waste of my time.
MY YEAR LONG SPIN IN CONCERT BAND THAT I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS A WASTE OF MY TIME-of course I already knew that.
I don't want to go to college.
Like, I really, really don't.
Everyone there says it sucks.
Nobody has fun.
The fact that most people don't even get a job they use what they got a diploma in is accepted as not only a part of life but a joke.
The fact that I'm not interested in anything marketable.
The fact my parents think college is a magical place that will spit me out and I'll get a high-paying job in what I love no questions asked so I won't have to do hard manual labor and struggle to get by ever.
The fact I have virtually no useful skills. At all. I'm pathetic. I look at resumes and wonder how in my life I'll ever get a goddamn job because I literally have no idea what I'd put on it.
Why didn't anyone tell me how I was impacting my grade in 10th grade because I literally stopped giving a fuck. I didn't want the stress, and I didn't want to cry over possible C's. I didn't know what to do to keep my GPA up or really what my GPA was no one told me. I was only fucking told this year. Like, halfway last semester this year.
And don't get me started on how I was continually told to get straight A's in elementary and middle school and-whoop-dee-doo surprise none of that actually accounts for anything fuck you and anything you're actually good at and ever were.
Which isn't fucking much now, is it?
Because what I love... is useless. Underrated, uncounted, and pointless.
(Hell, you have sports shoved so far up your ass, school system, why don't you toss PE stuff in? I took a required personal fitness class that put me off exercise for life like years of classes have done for MATH and now is doing for science, that's a semester I'm never gonna get back, but somehow I got an A. No? Of course.)
AP drawing sounded wonderful before that was dropped on me. Now I wish I had changed it.
So did Music in Film.
But none of it matters now, does it?
Even Dad said it, I don't want to do anything marketable.
I don't know what's wrong with me. People talking to me, or around me, feel like taking a drill to my brain, and sometimes I want to yell or something at them, but there's no logical reason for it. Usually they're just minding their own business, or trying to help or just talk to me. I recognize it's not acceptable, but... it's happening and I'd like to know what's wrong and how to fix it? Like I want to fight something in some way, really. I literally can't work up the motivation, be it positive or negative, to do shit. I hate everyone and everything and every little part of me and what I do. I want to put the world on pause for a bit.
I've tried to talk to my parents about it, but they kinda believe that you can make (rather 'force') yourself happy no matter what. Dad throws 'coping' around a lot. I can't even tell them I'm fucking bored or Dad pretty much calls me stupid. 'Only stupid people get bored.' But, besides the point, they may make me feel better for a short time... but they kinda... don't actually... help. Like no solutions offered, just assurances. Though I guess that's the best they can do.
I'm not used to being like this.
I'm not the one that's supposed to get like this.
T.Y--fuck it.
Lily
Okay, so the Alice: Otherlands Kickstarter is coming to a close in some 47 hours and THEY HAVE ONLY 85 PERCENT OF THEIR GOAL COMPLETED and that make me very nervous because I have way more emotionally invested in this idea than is safe for my sanity. How in ever-loving eff have they not met and surpassed the $200,000 goal yet? But before I continue ranting, I'll explain what the thing is for those of you not yet ready to click the link.
I mentioned getting the art book for Alice: Madness Returns for Christmas last year here. A: MR is a video game, and a sequel to American McGee's Alice, which came out in the late 90's/early 2000's that I fell in love with for it's amazing environments, characters, and story. Alice: Otherlands is something of a preview into the third chapter in Alice's story, a series of film shorts of her going into famous minds and helping them fight their inner demons and such. If they don't raise at least $200,000, it won't happen.
And heads will roll if this doesn't happen.
A few more reasons why I am behind this other than any Alice stuff is just fantastic in my opinion, is that they have mentioned it possibly leading to:
- A feature length film. They actually said that in the trailer. This could lead to a feature length Alice movie.
- SOMEWHERE--possibly on the AMA American McGee did he said that there was talk of a third Alice game, and that talk was positive. In my head, these film shorts could pretty much be a great promoting thing for the game if that pans out.
- The idea that Alice can now go into other's minds is so insane that I love it. I love the concept, and the whole dream-world thing has always been something I love to see played with in any media.
And also I suck at video games. I wouldn't be advertising it so much if it weren't so amazing yet so just-barely-there. GO! Look at the concept art! Go to the Facebook Page! And for god's sake donate if you can!
Okay, so I have had this blog for a year now, and honestly that seemed more important back in June. Currently I feel too tired/bored/lazy to do anything productive, but I'm forcing myself to do this anyway, because sometime that's just what you gotta do.
So recently (actually not so recently, just before school ended actually...) I've been introduced to a concept. Not particularly fun concept, and not really a new one... But not one I've had firsthand experience with. Really, the idea that sexism was still a thing in 2013 seemed absurd. Among other things... But the writer I followed on Tumblr rants about it constantly. As do... a lot of people. And they have really valid arguments, and I agree with them.
Ach, god, this is tricky to put into words.
I found this webcomic and started reading, and it's weird... but fascinating. I wanted to mention it. I've sort of gotten my mind around feminism and what it's about and I like and agree with it. As a girl myself, I'm all for gender equality. I wanted to mention it.
I don't want to bore anyone with a passionate rant about how all women are terribly oppressed, that's not the world I felt like I grew up in. Sure, there are nations and places where people have it worse than me, I could... I probably should (when I'm more informed on the subject)... rant about those places. But I cannot honestly include myself and them in the same situation. My problems are the upcoming start of tenth grade, their problems are getting an education at all. I've read about women being assaulted with bottles of acid for trying to walk to school. A girl my age got shot in the head for advocated equal rights to education--and, amazingly, survived and is continuing her cause (old news, I know, but news just the same). What I'm noticing here is (often white, Republican, and/or southern) male politicians being anti-abortion and generally offensive, idiots being idiots, and the quiet upholding of status quo by the media and well... sheeple. I've actually never used that word 'out loud' in a sentence... it's odd when you have a father who says it all the time. Bottom line, there are problems here (including the more serious stuff that once again I cannot apply myself to), there are problems there, and it's pretty clear to me which ones are more important, and to lump them all into one huge mess of 'mEN ARE JERKs RAWR!1!' would be unfair to people who have put up with worse. I'm a lucky gal, and I just wanted to talk about an issue I feel strongly about. That is all.
T.Y.G.E.R.
