So I Am Very Angry and Remembered that I Have a Blog

'Dear' School System,

            Why are you just figuring out that Advisement might actually be worth something if we talked about something besides Homecoming votes and passed out our report cards?
            Why are we only just talking about our grades in depth and what GPA is and more importantly, what our GPA is?
Why am I just learning that my hope GPA is under a the fucking 3-point-goddamn-I-fucking-hate-college-and-I-haven't-even-gotten-there-yet-oh and it only counts five FUCKING SUBJECTS!?
My two art classes were a waste of my time.
My two creative writing classes were a waste of my time.
            MY YEAR LONG SPIN IN CONCERT BAND THAT I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS A WASTE OF MY TIME-of course I already knew that.
I don't want to go to college.
Like, I really, really don't.
Everyone there says it sucks.
Nobody has fun.
             The fact that most people don't even get a job they use what they got a diploma in is accepted as not only a part of life but a joke.
The fact that I'm not interested in anything marketable.
             The fact my parents think college is a magical place that will spit me out and I'll get a high-paying job in what I love no questions asked so I won't have to do hard manual labor and struggle to get by ever.
             The fact I have virtually no useful skills. At all. I'm pathetic. I look at resumes and wonder how in my life I'll ever get a goddamn job because I literally have no idea what I'd put on it.
             Why didn't anyone tell me how I was impacting my grade in 10th grade because I literally stopped giving a fuck. I didn't want the stress, and I didn't want to cry over possible C's. I didn't know what to do to keep my GPA up or really what my GPA was no one told me. I was only fucking told this year. Like, halfway last semester this year.
             And don't get me started on how I was continually told to get straight A's in elementary and middle school and-whoop-dee-doo surprise none of that actually accounts for anything fuck you and anything you're actually good at and ever were.
Which isn't fucking much now, is it?
Because what I love... is useless. Underrated, uncounted, and pointless. 
(Hell, you have sports shoved so far up your ass, school system, why don't you toss PE stuff in? I took a required personal fitness class that put me off exercise for life like years of classes have done for MATH and now is doing for science, that's a semester I'm never gonna get back, but somehow I got an A. No? Of course.)
AP drawing sounded wonderful before that was dropped on me. Now I wish I had changed it.
So did Music in Film.
But none of it matters now, does it?
Even Dad said it, I don't want to do anything marketable.
            I don't know what's wrong with me. People talking to me, or around me, feel like taking a drill to my brain, and sometimes I want to yell or something at them, but there's no logical reason for it. Usually they're just minding their own business, or trying to help or just talk to me. I recognize it's not acceptable, but... it's happening and I'd like to know what's wrong and how to fix it? Like I want to fight something in some way, really. I literally can't work up the motivation, be it positive or negative, to do shit. I hate everyone and everything and every little part of me and what I do. I want to put the world on pause for a bit.
           I've tried to talk to my parents about it, but they kinda believe that you can make (rather 'force') yourself happy no matter what. Dad throws 'coping' around a lot. I can't even tell them I'm fucking bored or Dad pretty much calls me stupid. 'Only stupid people get bored.' But, besides the point, they may make me feel better for a short time... but they kinda... don't actually... help. Like no solutions offered, just assurances. Though I guess that's the best they can do.
I'm not used to being like this.
I'm not the one that's supposed to get like this.

T.Y--fuck it.

Lily

A Reminder That I Also Draw

            Okay, so yesterday I decided to download a free version of Paint Tool SAI and have spent up until an hour ago today getting all the gunk including it off my laptop. In the process I had downloaded Paint.Net, a free art/photo-editing whatchamacallit that I had used before but it didn't do what I wanted. I ended up with the latest version and it did two things off the bat that pleased me:

1. It actually worked with my drawing tablet.
2. It had pressure detection and was no longer all pixely when I drew.

            
            The only downside is that it doesn't have much aside from paintbrush, pencil, fill, and shapes and stuff. No biggie, really. The picture above is one of my friend's OCs, Rena (she doesn't always look like that, of course... long story) and is the first thing I drew in it. I'm still new to drawing with a tablet, so I'm not the best at it, but this is the first thing that came out mostly as I wanted it. It was fun to make too!
            I may start posting more drawings and doodles as I practice with my tablet. Maybe even make it a daily thing when I get time off school, which will be soon. Christmas break is almost here!

T.Y.G.E.R.

One Month at School

Opinions:

1. I hate my Lit teacher for the first time ever.
2. My math teacher is lovely.
3. History is dull as dirt back to learning about America... for the fifth time I think.
4. Drawing is early in the day. Pros: Don't have to wait til the end of the day for it. Cons: Oh shit I'm so tired aaah...

            On another note I have so many stories and projects to chose from and I'm having issues writing anything I feel like keeping. I may start doing myNoise stuff again to get myself out of it. I'm also going to start blogging every Saturday, see how that goes. Ergh... I'm getting a bit frustrated.

Forget it.

I'm going to do the myNoise thing.

Arrrrrrrrrgh.

T.Y.G.E.R.

I Couldn't Think of Anything Else

            I wonder how many times the first word of my blog posts have been 'So.' Anyway, I've been reminded about how much it's easier for me to communicate on skype versus calling someone. Why is summed up in the following list:

1. I CAN SEE THE PERSON'S FACE. This means I don't cut people off midsentence... that happens often.
2. I can actually hear what people are fricking saying 97% of the time. Okay, I can hear people talking on the phone pretty okay, but up to a point and it drives me bonkers.
3. I can show people things. This is useful if I've drawn something.

I got to video chat my friend, and ended up talking for like two hours... hence that.
            Okay, somehow the laptop ran out of battery. It's charging now, but the light is still blinking. I'll end this here.

T.Y.G.E.R.

Character Bio: Preston Mortimer Castor

            So. Still on a block. Working on an art thing. On an Ib kick. So here's another Character Bio.
Name: Preston Mortimer Castor
Nickname(s): Pres/Presto/Princess (insult)/Dracula (insult)
Age: 17
Gender: Male 
Phys. Description: Longish white hair (used to be jet black), silver eyes, narrow face, pointed nose. He's very tall (a little over 6 ft) and lanky. His canine teeth are longer than normal, and he's just a bit sensitive about it.
Personality: He's very much a people person. He likes talking to people. He's extremely persistent when he wants to be, well, when he has a reason to. He tends to be pessimistic but acts otherwise, and is very, very concerned with what people think. He's a frequent liar, and prone to denial.
Family: 
      Brother: Calder Castor. Died in car accident.
      Sister: Amiera Livia Pollux. (Twin)Other: Ability to hear the voices of those about to die, sense a killer by touch, and break any system he can touch. Heir to a powerful company. 
Dreamworld: Luce.
Location: City.
Location Description: A decently-sized, walled-off city.
Task: Break the locks.
There you go. Until next time.

T.Y.G.E.R.

Character Bio: Catherine Parietal

            Day Two of getting jack shit accomplished. Ergh. Must find a story that I can add more than one sentence to before I move on to something else...
Even the myNoise thing is getting hard...
I'll just write another Character Bio, okay? So it's not just me whining.
Here's another OC from the story I'm working on with my friend:
Name: Catherine Parietal
Nickname(s): Cath/Cathy/Queen Catherine (As a joke.)
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Phys. Description: Straight, long blonde hair dyed violet at the tips. Eyes are almond-shaped, and a matching violet color, though were originally the same blue as her mother's. About the same height as Peter Clepsydra (5'5"). Narrow-ish face, pointed chin, thin lips that rarely smile unless they need to. Wears makeup. Long fingers with well-manicured nails. Straight build, not very strong or muscular.
            I look up writing reference about this stuff online which is why it's phrased all weird in spots. It's either this or 'Blonde. Violet eyes, but used to be blue. Average height. Thin.' It's hard for me to find the right words to create the most accurate picture of what I have in mind... ugh, sorry.
...In one of the references I found 'Skittle' is apparently a body type... they give some of these the strangest names... 
Personality: The initial impression is that she's the bossiest snob you've ever met. She's competitive, acts very self-confident, and hates being ignored. Of course, first impressions are usually wrong. She is competitive, and she can be a bit bossy, but she just wants to be heard. She's an animal-lover, and very caring (if a bit nosy) when she warms up to a person. She has a quick temper but a complete inability to hold a grudge unless it's something really serious. This temper gets her into a good bit of trouble. She's very quick-witted and resourceful, and used to being self-sufficient. Being a team player does not come naturally for her unless she's in charge. (And even when she's in charge of a small group she ends up trying to everything herself or everyone to do it her way.)
Family: 
     Mother: Morgan Parietal
Other: Can read people's minds by touch, has mind control abilities, and is very skilled at running things smoothly. (From a distance.)
Dreamworld: Noct
Location: Castle
Location Description: Like the name implies, a big ol' stone castle in the middle of an island who-knows-where. Storms/rains a lot.
Task: Escape the Castle
            So there is today's post. Until tomorrow.

T.Y.G.E.R.

Blocked

            So today started out well... got all cleaned up and ate stuff and didn't sit around for hours until considering mundane things like food. Then I lazed around, looked at the clock and was shocked to see it was already two in the afternoon. So I started this.
            I have no idea what to write about... and I just nearly gave myself a heart attack nearly toppling my chair... So there's an exciting morning.
Update: I successfully toppled my chair.

Look, I may get back to this if I can think of something to write but for now I'll just stop here.

T.Y.G.E.R.